The best little sandwich dives in Utah

Carrie and I started the Dive Club in college. Our quest was simple—to find the best cheap food joints in Utah County—and we were determined to seek out any hash-slinging lunch counter in order to find and laud the finest food the lack of money could buy.

One of the obvious first stops on our tour of duty was Sensuous Sandwich of Provo. A minor institution among high school and college students, Sensuous has been a true local dive for going on 30 years now, offering zero ambience and fantastic sandwiches at ludicrous prices.

Ambience
Whether you choose the Provo or the Orem location, what you'll get is the quintessential dive experience: a lineup at the counter, scroungy little booths with glass-topped tables covered with trivia or Calvin & Hobbes comics, flickering fluorescent lighting, and posters of a vintage bordering on antique. Do not turn away at this; just realize it's the only thing that keeps this place from getting a five-star rating.

Service
Belly up to the counter and give the lady your order; in five minutes or less (usually significantly less) it will be complete. You may choose to eat in the funky surroundings or take your packet of sandwich-ey goodness elsewhere. Since this is a lunch counter, you're expected to bus your own table when you're done.

Food
Behold the Hoagies of the Gods! Subway sandwiches are wet cardboard compared with the bounteous sammitches to be found at Sensuous. Accordingly, if you can usually handle a full twelve-inch sandwich from those other places, scale it back here—a twelve-inch Sensuous can easily feed two people. These sandwiches are so loaded down with meat, cheese and goodies and are sold for such a pittance that it makes you wonder how these folks can possibly make money, but they do. All sandwiches are sold by the inch, in two-inch increments starting at 4" ($2.39) and going up to 24" ($11.59), but if you just can't get enough of Sensuous they can also make 6- and 7-foot monster hoagies and relish trays for your next party (please order at least a day in advance).

Sensuous offers 14 different prefab sandwiches, all with names that sound like they belong at your local Love Pantry (The Sensuous, The Stimulator, The Spicy Enticer, The Tantalizer, The Satisfier, etc.), or you can have them make your own creation. They can also turn any sandwich into a salad, if you prefer. Building blocks include ham, turkey, roast beef, pastrami, pepperoni, Italian sausage, chicken breast, crab, tuna and salami; cheeses in stock are Jack, Swiss, American and cream cheese. All sandwiches include standard fixings of mayo, mustard, oil and vinegar, spicy brown mustard, horseradish, tomatoes, pickles, onions and lettuce. For a small extra charge, you can also get olives or avocadoes. There are usually standard sides available, such as bagged chips and sugar cookies. Fountain drinks come in sizes from small to extra-large, with free refills.

If you think you have a cast-iron tum, try joining the 24 Inchers Club. Eat one of their 24-inch sandwiches in 30 minutes or less and you'll get a free Sensuous Sandwich T-shirt; each time you wear it, you'll get a medium drink for free. But be warned, and come plenty hungry; it's not as easy as it looks.

Sensuous Sandwich has been officially recognized and given Two Thumbs Way Up by the Dive Club. Eat and enjoy.

All material displayed on this website is © 2001-2010 by S. B. Houghton, writing under the alias "The Pirate King." All rights reserved.
Don't be pinchin' me stuff! To quote reviews or purchase reprint rights, .