Haley's Cleaning Hints

Holy cripes on toast, Haleys, hire a PROOFREADER!

When Oma, my great-gramma, was still alive, she was Mom's cleaning emergency desk reference. This tiny little Dutch lady had stashed away in her brain the cleaning secrets of the known universe—she could remove every stain known to mankind. To tell the truth, it was a little frightening.

Nearly all this wealth of information died along with Oma, because neither she nor Mom ever bothered to write down any of this knowledge. Mom's spent the last fifteen years or so kicking herself for not cajoling Oma into sharing more of her cleaning alchemy.

Well, happy is the day Mom began watching Haley's Hints on PBS. About half the time, she'll murmur, "Well, that's clever." The other half, she'll exclaim, "Hey, I remember that! Lemme write this down. Where's a piece of paper?" It became so ludicrous that finally my honey went to the local library and picked up a copy of Haley's Cleaning Hints just to help Mom simmer down.

Graham and Rosemary Haley have spent a lot of time gathering all those folk-remedy household hints your grandparents knew, plus they've found a number of handy uses for more modern products like waterless hand cleaner. The result is a useful compendium of cleaning hints, tips and tricks. It focuses on using products which the Haleys call "Household Heroes"—items like vinegar and shaving cream and toothpaste which you probably already own, and which clean as well as or better than the expensive store-brand household cleaners.

Hints are grouped into chapters, listed by the rooms of your house, with a special section on removing problem stains from clothing, fabric and carpets. There's an extensive index in the back, so it's simple to look up information on a particular noxious stain.

In fact, I have only one grievance with this particular book, but it's a biggie. Apparently the Haleys didn't get Haley's Cleaning Hints proofread before sending it to press. Just leafing through the book, I saw multiple synonym mistakes, incorrectly placed or missing punctuation marks (there are particularly egregious errors with "its" and "it's" throughout the book), etc. Much like an otherwise clean room with a dirty carpet, a useful book with spelling and punctuation errors just doesn't look right. It lacks a certain professionalism.

Overall, though, if you're sitting around wondering what the real color of your bathroom floor is—or, perhaps, whether you even have a floor—and you're actually motivated enough to find out, Haley's Cleaning Hints should help you get through the job with minimal fuss and bother. No doubt your great-gramma would approve.

(Oh, and by the way, Graham and Rosemary—contact me before you print the next edition, OK? My per-hour rates are very reasonable.)

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