Fascinating Womanhood

Ladies, if you ever date a man who believes this book is the key to a happy marriage, RUN—do not walk—to the nearest exit

If you've read my review of Ex Libris, you know I harbor a love for books that borders on idolatry. I treat books with all the respect due their contents, and would never deliberately break a spine, rip or dog-ear a page.

But once I burned a copy of Fascinating Womanhood by Helen B. Andelin.

This burning took place at a "Fahrenheit 451 party" my friends and I held several years ago. Lest you get the idea I hang out with a bunch of neo-Nazi skinheads, this party originally started as a discussion on items so bad there really could be some merit in burning them. Eventually it became a contest. We gathered at a fire pit in a city park, each carrying a single item (book, film, or sound recording) that we considered so bad it ought to be destroyed, rather than pollute the minds of the rising generation. Each item entered in this contest had to be demonstrated to the crowd, so that we might all acknowledge its toxicity and suitability for immolation. Among the items cremated were the soundtrack to Saturday Night Fever, the autobiography of Lee Iacocca, a very old BASIC programming guide, and Mrs. Andelin's timeless treatise on feminine behavior.

When my time came to perform, I stood, turned to a page at random, and began to read:

"A very real problem arises when a man gives a woman a gift she does not like. Because of this she may make the mistake of returning it, exchanging it, not using it, or even criticizing it. These actions are unforgivable ... Whatever it is, keep it. If it is unflattering, wear it. If it is unfragrant perfume, wear it. If it is not useful, use it, and all the time remind yourself and him of how kind he was to give it to you. If it is too objectionable, he will complain and insist you stop wearing it. Then you can take it off. But as long as he likes it, wear it, or use it." (Chapter XVIII, "Childlikeness," pp. 194-195)

I won first prize.

In spite of—or perhaps because of—such dreary chestnuts as the quote above, Fascinating Womanhood has enjoyed inexplicable popularity over the years. The text, originally published in 1963 and based on anonymous pamphlets on femininity dating from the 1920s, contained hopelessly outdated ideas even in its first edition—but nonetheless it has seen multiple reprintings, with the latest edition released in 1992. Unfortunately, with the promotion of such recent counterfeminist titles as The Rules and The Surrendered Wife, Fascinating Womanhood may also experience a resurgence in popularity. Like these other books, it makes certain assumptions about relationships with the opposite sex—primarily that men are moronic and easily gulled, that women alone are responsible for the quality of the relationship, and that the best way for them to get what they want is by shamelessly manipulating their men.

The specific propaganda line—I will not label it as "advice"—in Fascinating Womanhood runs thus:

1. A woman's first and most important need is to be loved by her man.
2. She can bring this about independently of any deliberate action on her man's part.
3. To do so, she must remake herself as "the ideal woman" from a man's point of view—a combination of spiritual and everyday characteristics the author cloyingly refers to as "Angela Human."
4. The angelic qualities—sympathy, worthiness, supreme domesticity—and the human qualities—femininity, freshness, childlikeness—must come together to create a persona that the author insists is every man's ideal.
5. You should always be willing to accept a man at face value. Never try to change him.
6. Every man thirsts for admiration. Hang on his every word and extol his manly qualities.
7. A man's pride is terribly fragile and must be shielded from hurt. Never mock or belittle him.
8. The man has a heavy burden to provide for his family. Show sympathy and understanding for his work.
9. Man's natural role is to guide, rule and protect. Do not stand in his way or take over for him.
10. Never excel him in the abilities he considers masculine. This will crush him and drive him away.
11. Find happiness in the little things, such as homemaking and household drudgery.
12. Delight in bearing and raising your husband's children. "Remember, Mumtaz-i-Mahal bore her husband fourteen children." (Oh, and died in childbirth, by the way.)
13. Cultivate a feminine, childlike appearance. (The author goes so far as to suggest the most feminine fabrics, and to avoid "mannish" textiles such as tweeds, hard finish woolens and denim. She also suggests—apparently with a straight face—having the dress patterns of little girls made over in women's sizes, adding a creepy subtext of pedophilia to the last few chapters.)
14. Acquire a sense of "feminine dependency." Do things in a deliberately incompetent manner so that your man can feel superior as he "fixes things" for you.
15. Learn to be "childlike" in your emotional responses—if you must be angry, throw a saucy temper tantrum. Stamp your foot, shake your curls and get "adorably angry," but never show adult anger or "talk things over."
16. If your husband mistreats or abuses you, you are ultimately to blame. (WHAT? Yep.) "Often men's ugly and cruel actions are the woman's fault and are due to her lack of sympathetic understanding, her failure to appreciate and admire him, her inability to accept him at face value, to place him No. 1, or other things." (p. 193, emphasis added)

Yes, of course much of this makes for hilarious reading—but it can also be deeply disturbing, because the author was not attempting to write a satire piece; she wrote this dreck in dead earnest. The reason why Mrs. Andelin's book is more poisonous than amusing is because it encourages both men and women to play-act rigid, stereotyped sex roles rather than expressing honest, natural thoughts and feelings to their spouses. It assumes all men desire a Stepford wife. It tells women they must be calculating and conniving, feigning childish incompetence in order to keep their equally childish and egotistical husbands feeling properly superior and self-satisfied.

There was a time in history when women were considered mentally inferior to men—when it was not considered prudent to allow them such dangerous liberties as higher education, property ownership or the right to vote. There was a time when many Americans also believed blacks, Indians and other minorities were inferior to whites. There was a time when most people believed the world was flat. Luckily, as time goes on and accurate information becomes widely available, uninformed beliefs can and do change.

Would anyone today purchase a book—even for the purpose of amusement—which encouraged African-Americans to adopt an Amos & Andy dialect or put on "minstrel shows" for their employers in order to find greater corporate success? Of course not. The message of such a book would be not only derogatory and offensive to blacks and whites alike, but it would destroy the reputation of the author, the publishing company, and the bookstore who made the poor business decision to produce it. Yet just such a message—act dependent and childlike, butter up your husband, hide your native intelligence and capability under a bushel—is the core of Fascinating Womanhood.

So yes, I gleefully burned Mrs. Andelin's magnum opus. Would I burn all copies of this book if I could? Nah. Quite aside from the fact that banning an item automatically gives it a forbidden cachet, this book still offers a MST3K-like source of humor to those who refuse to take it seriously (thus the half-star rating). Consider Fascinating Womanhood the down side to freedom of the press.

[NOTE: Quotes used in this review are from the 1971 printing of the book, which I checked out from the public library. Pagination may vary from edition to edition.]

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